It has been an exhausting weekend. Perhaps just because I am now nursing a cold, but there has been such a lot to process, with or without Cihan’s thesis! It is time to confront and perhaps remove some provocations. There is little point in carrying around unnecessary weight. Waking up fighting a battle without a name.

Firstly. David. What do you want from me?

Secondly, today I dismantled the breast painting. I shall give it to Mahgol to look after. I do not need it here any more. It follows me around like these damn spotify playlists. It is everywhere, and it does not help any more. I have moved on.

Thirdly. I do not have to be able to do a Vingativa! It feels bad. I can do it physically, but not mentally. And that is ok.  It is not holding me back in life not being able to do it. It is not an essential skill. There are too many other useful things to learn to keep fighting for this one. “Face the fear.” I am allowed one phobia. I shall learn to deal with dogs instead!

Fourthly. 2010 is the year to take pride in my appearance. Not because I do not believe I am attractive otherwise, but because I believe I am something worth taking care of.

And finally. I shall take next term out. I shall earn money, do my tisus test, högskolprovet and then take the train to Istanbul and make my own opinion about Turkey.

Thanks to those I’ve spoken to in the past couple of days. There is momentum.