As it says.

It has been nice having my parents here, even if only to reinforce my suspicion that I have moved on. It was strange to find myself slipping into old roles while trying to adopt new ones. The combination of continuous daylight, post capoeira event stress and pre-menstural depression did nothing to lighten the load. Although we didn’t have as much fun as we used to something about it felt right. I have found my territory and I am planting my feet firmly in the land. I understand their point of view but don’t necessarily share their opinions… what is more, I am not afraid to say it. I know they will continue to worry, because that is what parents do, but I think that they are glad I’m learning to fly (only a few years after I left the nest.)

And now I find myself at the beginning of a summer holiday, the likes of which I haven’t experienced since I left school. True, I may still be unemployed (or unemployable, though I think my Swedish would probably pass as sufficient now) but I intend to get to work tomorrow. Before I return to MDH in August I intend to have a functioning website and my own study circle.  Time to write a to-do list!

Midnight sun... possibly my worst nightmare!

Uppsala in the sunshine today, after some hardcore training capoeira yesterday. Feeling like a dead duck walking. I’ve got a pain in the diodes all down my left side, so to speak. A little travel tummy and strong coffee are making their prescence know aswell. I think I am brain dead.

awwwww!

angel of death?

phewf! Är jag glad att fora veckan är klar! Det var jobbigt men jag lärade mycket. Jag måste lära mig att fråga när jag behöver mer hjälp!  Men allt gick bra i alla fall, jag  är bara så jävla trött! Capoeira festen var jätte populär och eventet gick enkelt. Nu har jag en grön cordão och Jens fick blå! Vad kult det var. Han visste inte att han skulle fick det och det finnas några som gråt. Början om KAOS var åskult. Jag har haft ingen tid att prata med TG ännu, men jag tror att det var mycket bra med dem som spelade också.

I am so tired I feel like a soggy jelly baby. Been trying to take it easy today, and think a little more Swedish, because everything has been in English this week. The fogies arrive in about and hour and a half. It’ll be the first time I have seen them since the end of September last year. I actually feel a little nervous!

Had our first capoeria event training this evening. I was surprised at my stamina, and a little less surprised at my mental weakness. Funny how this stuff really gets to me. Mestre Cobrinha Mansa (he’s the shizz apparently) held an angola class, which was a lot of fun, but difficult to get my head round. Iäm used to just training with people I know. Now there’s 40 of us, and this amazing Brazillian dude doing everything so fast I can’t get my eyes round it, let alone my mind! But at the end he had a really nice  talk.

“When you learned to walk, how many times did you fall over? Once? Twice? Three times? Did you decided, nah! That’s not for me. Did your parents say… well you fell over ten times, I’d stop trying if I were you? It is so easy to forget how it was when you were a child, and so easy to give up when you are an adult!”

I’ve framed all my pictures and written all of my notes for KAOS. My apartment is going to feel really empty tomorrow. Need to pick up more crickets for the frogs too.

Working on the ‘check in’ at 8:30 tomorrow morning. I better get myself to bed.

"dumb ass s.o.b. kept falling over, so I gave him a piece of my mind"

http://www.kaosgruppen.blogspot.com/

http://www.cordao.se/public_html/Start.html

Crammed head in an empty shell. Went to see the huvudläkarer today. I wonder whether the digging is really worth the hollow afternoons sometimes. It is good to accept feelings. Let the lid off a little. Work out where the thoughts stem from, but I still feel like I am drowning. I suppose it is verbal chemotherapy for the brain. Makes you feel like shit sometimes but if it works then it is worth the effort. Thing is, I really want it to work, otherwise I wouldn’t be going there.

Painting and reading Swedish this evening.  Somehow (please someone explain!) I have lost my laundry card. The damn thing has disappeared off the face of the earth and I would dearly love some clean socks.

finger painting

After last weeks bout of insomnia I have now entered a phase of easy sleep at every opportunity (weird dreams about trans-gender doctors performing breast enhancements on themselves and naked pregnant nutritionists as well…) I have lost a succession of mornings. Sometimes I feel a little guilty but I am still reasonably efficient and it is light so late in the evening that my days rarely end before 11. Yesterday was well spent (despite some minor banking hiccoughs) with painting and socialising with Constance and TG. Broke a few more personal boundaries with some full body painting (forget the fingers, this is the real shit). Ended up with a headless Italian barbie doll with gigantic boobs and the legs of an Ethiopian marathon runner.  You can tell it’s really me! Sadly the print is on the back of Constance’s canvas so you’ll just have to check out the aftermath.

IPE and capoeira today. We had a festival of cakes to commiserate the change in the weather (from 28 degrees in the shade on Sunday to a measly 15 with rain today) and some booklet making. Friday afternoon shall comprise another extended fika/photoshoot/life story sharing affair. I also proposed my wish to organise a doodling club from the start of next term instead of becoming a fadder. A better use of my time methinks. I’m glad to say H was enthusiastic so the planning can commence.  Highly enjoyable training this evening as well. A small group, a interesting selection of music and a really good atmosphere. My singing fails to improve much, but it’s all about gusto. Took some coffee and conversation at Circus afterwards. Zarina proposed the theory that people need at least four hugs a day to feel happy.  Can’t hurt to try.