I spent a summer, many moons ago, reading Mervyn Peake’s ‘Gormenghast’ trilogy. I told myself then that I would read it every ten years, just to see. To see what exactly I am not sure. How I react to it having now had more experience, a wider range of memories from which to draw reference? How much of it had stuck with me? Or whether I even still enjoyed it? Anyway, I happened upon a 1970’s boxed set edition in the charity shop for 50p last time I was in Chester. It seemed like fate, and so I embarked upon another mammoth read.

I stand by my original observation that these books are wordy. There is a lot of (perhaps unnecessary) language. But trawling through those lengthy sentences is worth it. Every so often there is a passage, a sentence, a description, that is so beautiful, so powerful, that the previous half an hour of laborious reading is forgotten. Yes, these stories are as captivating as they were ten year ago, if the fact that I was compelled to stay up reading until three last night is anything to go by! Much of it had stuck (although I was not conscious of it) and some of the text does take on new meaning. But mostly I feel like I am visiting my other family again.

It is bizarre, but not to the extreme. It is gothic, but not beyond belief. It is allegorical, but not preaching. Fuchsia is still a girl, and now a woman, in which I see so much of myself but also a warning of what it is important not to become. Titus I still love like a little brother, and Steerpike… a beguiling, devious man I both lust for and feel physically repulsed by. The beauty of Peake’s writing is that, although there is rarely violent description, I still feel sick to my stomach when reading of Steerpike’s descent (or is it his ascent?) into bloody evil.

there's always something waiting to be done

Been trying to finish things off this week. It works and doesn’t work… mainly because there is always something esle to do. Been upptagen med capoeira säker den har veckan. Writing budgets, organising shopping lists, making posters and off to do a mega shop of dry good for our party tomorrow. Had a lot of fun at training this evening. Singing and doing some very poor attempts at samba… Impromptue partyfest möte hos Martha after training, with plenty of non-capoeira related conversation and strawberries.

Tomorrow I need to clean in preparation of the German invasion. I have a mass of laundry. Down to my last two pairs of knickers… something tells me I am picking up bad habits from people… but better to be the happy medium of GENERALLY keeping the place clean.

Frogs are looking well. Lilla Gubbe just enjoys sitting under the mesh in the corner I think. He hung out there all day but when I got home just now both of them were sitting on the glass. It took me ages to find them because I was loooking in the moss and on the ‘cliff’ and the daft buggers were right infront of me. You get a fantastic view of their bellies and feet. They breath ever so fast. Lovely little creatures.

Probably well past my bed time, so nighty night.

Lilla Gubbe, en liten groda

Yesterday, after some careful consideration, I decided to really stake my claim of feeling at home in this country by inviting some newbies to share my apartment. I can’t got back to Britain now, I have pets here! Two delightful little froggies, currently without names, though I have a feeling that Gubbe (old man) and Lilla Gubbe (little old man) are going to stick as long as they do… equally fascinating as these fellahs are their food. It can only be said that frogs are fussy buggers… they only eat specially selected, á la carte, moving meals… in other words, a handful of live baby crickets a couple of times a week. I can also feed them blood worms or almost any creepy crawly I can catch myself as long as they are smaller than the frogs mouth. No spiders or moths though as they tend to be a little poisonous.

Sampled some fantastic Iranian stew hos Mahgol igår (welcome home dear) and decided allong with the tattooed one that a trip to a genuine bazzar is quite necessary. Walked back through town with TG, along railway tracks with the smell of rain hanging in the air. Filled with excitement and a few guilty pangs, we nosed round empty old buildings to check out the graffiti. A double decker pulled in as a we crossed the tracks at the station. Duck egg sky and orange electric lighting. That romance never dies. Makes me want to jump town again. That strange combination of enforced laziness, endless cups of syrupy sweet tea, akward socialisation, reading book after book, days and nights merging into ‘productive time’. The moving youth hostel. It is never quiet, only just comfortable and smells of 36 people stuck on the same train for 3 to 6 days. Sounds awful, feels fantastic!

Walked past the night club ques. Felt like I was observing a different life. May aswell occur on a different plane of time. I guess it does in some respects. We rarely meet in any case. I am always inclined to stop and watch, or keep walking all night. I wonder if everyone feels that kind of alienation?   Time to abort my boots.

I am learning to brush my teeth holding the brush with just two fingers.

I would like to keep moving.

I have a head full of pictures but I need to sleep.

Mummy says big girls don't cry.

122x140cm, acrylic on projector screen

Some things are just not right!

Last exam today. Lunch and lounging with Mareike and Salome. Impossible to believe that a whole term has gone by. We’ve learnt so much and so little. I am sorry to see them go. I stand by my feeling of being inherently Swedish. Why should it take me so long to get to know people, especially when we have all been strangers in this land.

over exposure

Another exam, another slice of cold pizza and another evening spent in Kåren. Me and apple mac do not get on. Time spent well i alla fall. Ett pär timmer av sann konversation med Hubert. Swapping life stories and discussing the joys of having new glasses. Life in high definition. We decided IPE is a project about people so we shouldn’t destroy people in the making of it. There is no way we can finish it on time, so we have decided (to be confirmed by the rest of the group) to chill out and roll it out after the summer.

Arrived home before 10, took a lavender scented bath, invented a corriander, lime and yoghurt salad dressing and primed some canvas. It must be time to flip the switch. Natt natt.

It seems that if I am not reading books I am making them. I’ve worked untill the 22 hour three nights last week on I.P.E.  It’s finally coming together but I will be glad when it’s done! Nice to play with the ibook softwear though, even if using a mac is a pain in the rear.

Went to capoeira training yesterday for the first time in two weeks. I had forgotten how much I love it. Playing Angola and had an hour of chilled out roda. I feel way less stressed after it!

Exam in Swedish Culture in an hour. I best get moving… so when was Stockholm founded?

Good day.

Lying in bed in semiconsciousness. Body heat enveloped in blankets and smells. The room is inside me. Listening to music. Voices. There are people outside. Sunshine hitting dust. The air is solid. You are not alone.

I am tired and meetinged out… sometimes I wonder when other people work…

Ice-cream, insects and bed.

I have a head full of ideas. Speaking to people is good. Beginning  to discover that a lot of the people who surround me have common experiences. None of us have the same experiences but there are a lot of us who have had some of them. It makes all of them easier to comprehend. The experiences that is. We are not special because of what has happened to us, but rather how we react to the situation. People are still an endless wonder.

I was in Eskilstuna yesterday for an International Presence Exhibition meeting. It’s an interesting situation because you get to go and ask people a selection of personal questions. It’s a nice way to make friends. You get to know as much about a person in one aftrenoon that might otherwise take a couple of months. Took the train back to Västerås with Mahgol and Constance so we invaded the catacombs and took a fika with TG, followed by a communal painting session.

Paint and swedish today. Capoeira, swedish and an IPE photoshoot tomorrow. Cripes.

TG and Constance doing some serious painting.

The cuddly new pet...

It's a womans world!

Drottning Silvia

The tattooed one’s new pet. Queen Silvia of the centipedes. She has a lovely little mate, Tobias Jnr. He’s half her size and cleans her feet… truly a womans world! Methinks jag vill ha!

Back in the real world… I choked on my cammomile tea this evening. Decided to take it easy, do some homework, eat avocado salad and listen to Tool. Sometimes being tired is quite comfortable.

Off to Eskilstuna tomorrow for International Pressence Exhibition interviews and the such like.  I’m looking forwards to citron-lakrids icecream when I get home. SIA Svensk gräddeglas are the masters.

Nighty night.