This past week my dreams have been plagued. I have been sleeping deeply, but with my mind open to vulnerabilities.  I have been forced to let go of something I care most deeply about in the belief that it will help in the long run. For all intent and purposes I have been present but not active. A page rubbed clean of old pencil. The hint of something left behind but not enough to piece together the story. Ten steps forward, one to the side and six back.

Thankfully this leaves me four steps ahead of somewhere I used to be.

Today I have had three phone calls. First, a stranger who woke me from my troubled sleep. She fired frågor på svenska and after fifteen minutes decided to give the Scribbling Society 2500sek towards our materials.  The second a friend. She called after my health as I had not appeared in class. The third, a tired and anxious man, moved to tears by my painting because he misses his baby.

I have studied two Swedish subjects. Sammansatt substantiv och genitiv.

I have had one hour outdoors. The need to keep moving is a new one. The need to sit on a bench for a while and stare into space is eternal. A girl of about seven came over to talk to me.

“Är du lesbisk?”

“Nej, bara ledsen.”

Idag var jag tillbaka i skola för min först lektion med Skandinavisk Två. Vad bra det känns att vara i skola igen. Och att prata svenska med de som lära sig! Så mycket enklare än med riktiga svenskar. Det finns en skillnad att pratande svenska med nån som inte är flytande i engelska också. Common ground. Idag måste vi bara berätta lite om vår själv och sen fick vi ett ord som vi behövde att prata om under två minuter. Svårare än det låter! Så, nu är jag motiverad med svenska igen och ska försöker att skriver mer här. Förstås, ska jag prata mycket svenska den här lördag… Catwoman shall go forth in her pvc and spout Swedish from her alcohol loosened mouth. Bea fyller år och vi ska fester hos henne och Jens, Heroes och Villans style!

Hubert and his bundle.

Been painting on canvas again after a summer of wood. It feels good. Fluid. Responsive.  Painting on  canvas is like jumping out of a window and landing on the stretched silk of a parachute. Painting of wood can be like jumping out of a window and landing on solid ground. Rather unforgiving. It is easier to play with error and describe sensation on something with suspension.  Swap your car for a gearless bicycle with a hard saddle and you’ll get the picture. I have been reading more about ‘art’ as a therapeutic activity and find it easier and easier to play, although so many of these pictures are still so uptight… but then again, they are a record of life, just as any written diary, and therefore it is no surprise to see impressions of what is still within.

Tobias in his natural habitat.

Something that always surprised me when I visited galleries is that the paintings I admired often contained far less paint that expected. The canvass is almost always visible at some point or another. I suspect that much of life is like this. We seek to improve by adding layers, increasing detail, clever tricks and complications. Sometimes when we strip down to the bare necessities beauty appears of it’s own accord. Simple naked truth. Tobias smiles and wiggles his toes in his sleep. Two unconscious habits, they make no difference, but bring a smile to the face of a friend. These are the qualities which make my life. He says he hopes to die a happy man. I hope so too… and if all else fails, at least let him die in his sleep where he at least appears to be so!

I always wonder where people go when they close their eyes.

And so to capoeira, where I shall practice atabaque in preparation for kulturnatt. It is drizzling and I feel cold, but I will breach the threshold in any case. It’s time to visit my surrogate family.

Did and doing. Thought and thinking.

I went to see the medicine man a couple of days ago about the lump on my head It’s been there for years, but has been itching more since the hair clipping. Conclusion is that it’s some kind of  seborrhoeic  lesion.  A cyst with seborrhoeic exzama. Been given a steroid cream and antihistamine to try and break it up. Funny thing is, the antihistamine is also often prescribed to people with mild neurosis and sleep disorders. Yesterday I was spaced. Too quite. Too loud. My eyes felt like lead. The world took on the sharp grey contrast of polarised sunglasses.  And by golly I slept! I lay down in bed and watched my brain slowly fade out before falling into the deep velvet pile of undisturbed sleep.

Today has been a sweet lonesome day. Loppis and library, laundry and lunch. It smells like Autumn. The rain is drenching and the tree tops are threatening to turn. Försökte att läsa lite mer på svenska. Jag är lite tråkade ut av att bara säger vad jag vet. Jag vill lära mig att säga vad jag vill. Jag vill förstår nyansar när man pratar. Painted a picture. My first in a while. I’m not sure if I want to share it yet.

When there is something to be done it is amazing how many other things it is possible to do! After food shopping, applying another coat of varnish, some cutting out, clearing my desk, organising a Scribbling Society meeting,  feeding the frog, making a couple of sketches and sanding down the table a little more I finally sat down and wrote my CV. Eugh. Not fun in one’s mother tongue, but down right bothersome in another language. Anyway, it is done, along with a cover letter, plus or minus some editing.

I have been wondering recently whether it would be possible to paint a park bench in daylight. If I dressed up as a commercial decorater and took along the right tools, would anyone say anything? There are a myriad of benches arround this town that could do with a little TLC. If they are done tastefully and professionally, who is going to complain? Is it worth the risk to make the place look a little more welcoming? My reasoning for doing it during the day goes as follows… only people doing something ‘wrong’ paint at night. So if someone comes accross you painting during the day they will assume that you are supposed to be doing it. Paint a bench at night and if anyone sees you no doubt the police will be informed. Surely painting a bench is not vandalism if it improves it’s appearance? Jag ska fundera lite mer.

Oh yeah,  I decided to organise a Scribbling Society meeting despite having heard nothing about funding yet. I had a lovely day recently with Hubert and his little family, picking cherries and making pie as a diversion from International Presence Exhibition work. Reminded me how nice it is to have a house with people in it. Check out www.vscribbling.blogspot.com for more info.

Tomorrow is another day.

Baldie strikes back.

Painting Mahgol for Mahgol

The Painting.

Big headed, flag waving #&%?*/!

The Pride.

www.clovergiles.com

The website.

The picture is one of the first portraits I have been “commisioned” for. I am glad to say it’s new owner is very happy with it.

The Pride is the first I have ever been to. We arrived late (blame the excellent Iranian food) so didn’t actually see the parade, but still got to speak with a lot of random strangers and experience something different in Stockholm. I will post more pics in good time. I think next year I am going to dress up!

The website is far from finished, but progressing. There is a gallery and a very makeshift contacts page. More to come soon.

Had a very pleasant evening with these folks…

Capoeiristas and co.

A pile of mexican food (including a rather spectacular chicken mole) and as always; varied conversation (mental illness, survival courses, police regulations on public nudity, climbing, unusual pets, automatic reflexes, personal envolvement when reading texts, colour theory… and seing as Nicco was present, sex and retards… but not both at the same time). All highly agreeable, however, the coffee and pineapple paj seem to be preventing me from getting any shut eye, and I had actually got into a rythm!

Oh, I swapped my driving lisence this morning aswell. Now I will have an official from of Swedish ID (woo!)

Not bad for a weekend’s work!

A day of organising pictures. Woken up far too early by an unfriendly sit-on lawn mower. Aching from yesterday’s exertions. Transfered my notes on sleep and PMS from my diary to calendar I found… wondering if perhaps I should be doing something about it. Training again later (woopee) and I am going to draw a few giraffes for this guy.

Clover is back on form.

To my complete amazement I managed to pull hungover self out of bed, take a shower, feed myself and get my ass into town to train capoeira this morning. Further to this, it was actually great fun! Spent a large portion of the time standing on my hands, and a fair del playing minute long games with Jens and Nikki. After an hour I had completely forgotton about the elephant sitting on my eyebrows. Then off till Bäkby to purchase some more creepy crawlies to feed this currently hyperactive frog. Cooked and ate a delicious salmon and new potatoes lunch while reading some more Svensk HP. Laundered, swept, cleaned the bathroom and washed yesterdays dishes. Sorted out my month’s reciepts, drank tea, and browsed a few fun websites. Had an impromptue website planning msn meeting. Repeat the cook and eat part, and then did this for www.thescribbleproject.com.