Touchdown and this chosen land proffers a welcoming kiss. It is not stifling, ill tasting, like that of home. Rather I am enveloped in a cool, clean embrace. The air is dry. A factor which has been missing during the extended arctic experience of Orkney’s deepest freeze for 20 years. Despite the significant temperature plummet (20 or so degrees below) it feels more comfortable in the superchilled outdoors.

Going home is something that has changed beyond recognition. Because instead of the heart wrenching farewell to Scotland there were instead a few tears of relief as darling Sweden came back into sight. Time warp over, now to feel again. The announcements are in Swedish och det blir lugnt och längtan igen. Jag saknar husdjuret mer än jag trodde på.

Trotts att jag kommer tillbaka med ett tungt hjärta är jag glad i alla fall. Livet börjar igen. Det finns tid att umgås med de som har stannat och att prata om tillkommande året. Som alltid, ska jag och Mahgol reda upp världen. Mitt själ är tre gånger förstor för den här kröppen. Det finns mycket att göra. Många ska flytta, flera ska resa bort. Till och med jag planera ett bytt av miljön. Snart blir det en mindre lägenhet, och närmare till vänner och stan. Jobbet kommer att äta min tid, tillsammans med plugg och VSS… för det är jag tacksam.

Men det finns även adventure på gång. Jag måste lära mig att samla pengarna i stället av grejar och kolla på tåg tidtabellen igen. Det finns en rut mellan nord och södra, västre och öster, vikingar och den exotisk land. Det är inte landet utan resan som jag längtar efter. Okända människa, enkla, billiga mat och att undrar på allt som kör förbi mitt fönster.

På slutet av augusti är det södra Polen, bröllopet och gamla vänner. Men hur jag kommer dit är frågan. Nu börjar nästa delen av historian.

Long time no blog. I am so exhausted. Completely drained of the ability for creative thought.  Strange how some feelings spread like a viral infection. There are people who just suck positive energy and inspire agitation. Earlier this week I was almost compelled to bludgeon a blood relative with a teapot. The meanness of Christmas. The glory of Britain. I shall fight the desire to rant as I have so successfully fought the desire to speak my mind all week. Though I have come to the conclusion that no-one (including myself) is exempt from a lesson in common courtesy from time to time. Sorry, but even if you are my ’superior’ you loose all associated respect if you do not treat your fellow human beings with equal gratitude and generosity!

Enough said.

Aside from such innards chewing coming home has been like stepping out of time for a while. We are in the midst of Orkneys longest deep freeze (in my memory.) The temptation is to don a survival suit and walk on water. Two icy miles to the Ring of Brodgar with a bar of chocolate and tin of pemmican in my pocket as emergency supplies. Perhaps we will make a waterless boat trip on New Years Day… it is less likely to be frowned upon by the mollycoddling British system. It seems like we have to sign a health and safety waiver to take a piss in a public loo and climb stairs in a friends home. By golly, this Britt bashing isn’t improving!

In all honesty it is a joy to be home. Me and the parental units have laughed beyond the pain threshold. The food is fantastic, the hours are sociable and the sledging is outstanding (three-up on a home made polycarbonate contraption = terrifyingly fast and post adrenaline giggles.) Being here is like stepping aside from the real world for a while. More so than usual considering we’re watching cock pheasants saunter into the front yard and seals appearing through holes in the new Stenness Loch glacier. It is funny to look back on this year in Västerås and the people I have  met there. Some saunter in an out just like the pheasants, nice decoration but little more than something to look at.

Our families we are born with (and luckily mine is suitably… suitable) but the other people who cross our paths are little loose atoms, bouncing around waiting to make connection. It’s not often we collide and combine to make some other valuable element, but the past 364 days have been spectacularly productive.  There is a whole spectrum of glorious friendly atoms I have had the good fortune to bump into. Each offering something different. Something necessary. Excitement, flavour, colour, stability.

Mahgol, Tobias, Burak, Constance and Sam. The nutcases. The capoeiristas. Cihan, Cem and Batu. Mareike, Inta and Hubert. Killman, Erik and you. Here is my common courtesy. It is appreciated.

Tack så mycket. 2009 har varit ett gott år.

It is much too late for this. I should be asleep, but somehow having no internet does not make going to be early any easier. Without internet I find myself engaged in activities which dissolve time. In other words, those thoughtful and artistic, both of which have been somewhat lacking of late. I am in two minds as to whether I should shell out the 200 kroner a month to reinstate my link with the virtual world. On the one hand, it is wonderful, this facebook free bliss where productivity becomes second nature… on the other, the removal of communicative links may prove to be crippling.

But enough of this information technology pondering. Back to real life, and disregarding a short blip in physical health (cough sneeze cough) things still appear to be going swimmingly. Has there always been war between Europe and the Middle East? I am considering the possibility that now is the time to start reading another rule book. Fools rush in, but a complimentary personality is helping to maintain stability. It’s been a while since I turned myself upside down, and I guess every time it feels different. There is still a lot to learn. Vad är det som har mest inverkan på en människa? Personality or upbringing? Is it actually possible to separate the two? Are we not the products of our environment? Of course… to some degree. But where do we choose to be ourselves and where do we unconsciously follow the path of our culture?

It is hard to blog when surrounded buy these people. I guess habit has more influence that I’d like to think.

Tomorrow we have our first exam. Swedish grammar. Time to study.

My eyeballs hurt and my brain feels squishy. We had more tasty food at The Batu last night. Talking till late and time lines with literature this morning. I got my twin sketchbook, books booking booked another three scribbles before the end of term. I need to make posters but been consumed by ‘redovisning’. There is homework, always homework. I want to sleep. Sweet dream filled rest. Tomorrow is another day.

There’s something about this time of year. I think it is that “oh shit it’s almost winter and what have I actually done with myself in the past 200 hundred days” reaction. The heat of summer has dissapated and stress is for us to create and handle rather than a result of over warm days and over short nights. There is opportunity, new friends, homework and every kind of weather this sky is capable of bestowing upon us. The past two weeks have felt like a lifetime, but they can’t have been, as yesterday I had my ‘first year in Sweden anniversary’. A spectacular couple of weeks. An unbelievable year.

Today we did a presentation på hypotetiska fallet i skola. If this hadn’t happened then that wouldn’t have happened and then we wouldnät have done this. The Turkish pussycat claims I am the most complicated girl in Västerås. I beg to differ, perhaps my life isn’t so ordinary, but the more I listen the more wonderful the lives of those arround me confirm themselves to be. We all have a story, it’s just up to us to make something out of it. We spend such a lot of the time living in fear of what other people will make of it all. Sometimes we miss the blessing before our eyes because of it. We all fall foul of envy and sorrow from time to time.

Jag saknar Tobias, and I am going to miss Sam. But I am glad that they have both been a part of this eventful year. Without intention they have held my metaphorical hand and walked me through a huge and terrifying forest. Friends are so underappreciated. Man bör säga mer ofta hur glad man är att ha sina vänner. We all like confirmation. I am surrounded by a heady perfume of people. There is thick fragrant honeysuckle, coffee with too much milk,  musky tones of rampant masculinity, forrest, blueberries and alcohol. Port wine and baby dribble. There is morning frost, pizza and laundry, aswell as a bed that has been slept in for too long. If I could I would give you all a colour, a smell, a sensation, a cookie. Now that word has changed. I can store it in my computer and give it a taste.

I have decided to stop wondering what is causing the rise and just enjoy it.  I have spent the last few days between a wonderful collection of people.  Autumn leaves are falling along with the rain. It feels like home when I draw the curtains and I keep finding chestnuts.

I have a cold. It is raining buckets, there is a cake in the oven and my hands are getting tired of cutting out small bronzed muscle men, so it’s time for some mindless entertainment stolen from facebook.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot.

7. The temperature.
6. Should I be studying?
5. I’m horny!
4. I’m hungry.
3. Is this productive?
2. Where is my pencil sharpener?
1. What day is it again?

Six things I do before I fall asleep
6. Brush my teeth.
5. Pee.
4. Lock the door.
3. Open the window.
2. Turn everything off.
1. Lie awake in bed.

Five people who mean a lot.
This is such a stupidly worded statement. Five people who mean a lot to whom? Or mean a lot of what?

5.  Kofi Annan
4. The Dalai Lama
3. Barack Obama
2.  The Pope
1. Mugabe

Four things you’re wearing right now.
4. Jeans
3. Woolen socks
2.Long sleve t-shirt
1. My pride!

Three DVD’s that you watch regularily.
3. Futurama
2. The Breakfast Club
1. A Knights Tale

Two things you want to do before you die.

2. Stage a military coup.
1. Be overthrown by a brutal dictator.

TEN WHATS:

1. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? Damn it’s cold today!

2. What did you do last night? Hung out with Mahgol and Constance and got very wet.

3. What is the most important part of your life right now? Same as usual, basic survival.

4. What would you rather be doing right now? Strangely enough, I would really like to be at school!

5. What did you last cry over? My bike fell over on me and bent my thumb nail backwards last night. It really bloody hurt!

6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? Physical contact.

7. What are your plans tomorrow? No idea! Depends on the weather I suppose.

9. What are you worried about? Everything and nothing.

10. What are you looking forward to most in this week? Finishing playing Grim Fandango… maybe…

NINE HAVE-YOU-EVERS:

1. Have you ever liked someone with a girlfriend/boyfriend? Well duh!

2. Have you ever had your heart broken? You haven’t lived unless you have.

3. Have you ever played on a sports team? Only when press ganged. It was a case of “if you don’t there aren’t enough people for our school to compete and then everything is ruined for the rest of us.”

4. Have you ever been out of the country? Which one?

6. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend? Naturally. Haven’t we all at some point? It’s part of human nature.

7. Have you ever had the cops called on you? Not to my knowledge.

8. Have you ever dated someone younger then you? Yes.

9. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? Förstås. Some books are very short!

EIGHT WHOS:

1. Who was the last person you saw? Tobias and Junttila, they brought me crickets and a table for the balcony, I gave them coffee and cake.

2. Who was the last person you hugged? Tobbe

3. Who was the last person you called? Mahgol

4. Who was the last person to call you? Zarina

5. Who was your first crush? What counts as a crush? I guess the first boy I fell in love with was Matthew Alexander.

6. Who was the last person to text message you? Tobbe

7.Who is the last person you texted? Tobbe

8. Who did you last yell at? I don’t yell, it doesn’t usually get me very far. I guess the last people I would have had a ‘diplomatic’ conversation with is my parents, but I’m not exactly one quick to anger.

SEVEN WHENS:

1. When was your last shower? About three hours ago.

2. When did you last see your mom? Monday the 29th of June

3. When was your last hug? About 15 minutes ago

4. When did you last dress up? As what? I dress up every day. Don’t wear it if you don’t feel good and it aint fun.

5. When was the last time you cried? Last night, haven’t we already had this question?

6. When did you last go to the movie theatre? Goodness knows. To see… something… I can’t remember what, at Cheshire Oakes last summer. Oh, maybe it was Indiana Jones?

7. When were you born?: 14 minutes past 4 on the 14th of the 4th 1985

SIX WHERES:

1. Where do(es) your best friend(s) live? In my heart (barf!!!) and in my head (psycho!!!)

2. Where did you last go? To the toilet? How bizzare.

3. Where did you last hang out? In the park with Mahgol and Constace last night.

4. Where do you go to school? Mäladarlens Högskola, Västerås

5. Where is your favorite place to be? Bed/Bath/La-la land
6. Where did you sleep last night?:  Would you like GPS co-ordinates?

FIVE DO/DOES:

1. Do you like someone right now? This minute? Nope, NOBODY. At this moment in time there is not a single living being whom I like. You are all evil and boring! I am above you all! Umm… of course I like some people, it would be pretty dull otherwise.

2. Do they like you too? As far as I can tell.

3. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Not really. Why would it make things any better?

4. Do you know the muffin man? No, but I know a good recipe, maybe I should make one.

5. Does the future scare you? Naturally, but I can’t do much about it.

FOUR WHYS:

1. Why are you best friends with your best friends? Because we are captivated by eachother’s unique charms? Who knows?

2. Why did you get a Facebook? To keep in touch with people from other places.

3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? Despite several theories, it is NOT because it was where I was concieved! I was going to be called Poppy, but they realised at the last minute that it was the name of my Great Grandmother’s dog, and so they settled for Clover instead.
4. Why are you doing this survey? I started because I had a cake in the oven, and now I just feel the need to finish it.

THREE IFS:

1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Teleportation of myself and other objects at will.

2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? No! Who knows what pile of poop I could find myself in now!

3. If you were stranded on a desert island and could bring one thing what would it be? A good quality and well sharpened swiss army knife.

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVERS:

1. Would you ever be friends with someone again, who you promised yourself you never would be because they were mean to you? I have never promised myself that I would never be friends with someone again. It seems pretty pointless to devote so much time to a thought, either you are friends or you are not.

2. Would you ever shave your head to save the person you love? Sure, anyone need saving? Short short hair is the biz.

Uppsala in the sunshine today, after some hardcore training capoeira yesterday. Feeling like a dead duck walking. I’ve got a pain in the diodes all down my left side, so to speak. A little travel tummy and strong coffee are making their prescence know aswell. I think I am brain dead.